What do Westerners think when they see a veiled, modest woman? Why does hijab irritate them? Why do fewer clothes imply freedom and liberation, while more clothes imply oppression and docility? This is what we see in the media. The powerful, rebellious woman in revealing clothes. The meek and easily controlled covered one.
I am not here to answer these questions. I am here to explain why these thoughts are not correct. How we as Muslims identify with our religion and culture, and how flawed these assumptions about us are.
This is not to convince anyone of Islam or to force or suggest to women to cover their hair or dress more modestly. This is simply explaining so non-muslims understand us better.
Western culture is all about freedom. Freedom to express oneself. So automatically, being forced to cover one’s hair, not being allowed to wear revealing clothes, is translated as oppression. The saying ‘I can wear whatever I want’, or ‘You can’t control how I dress’ is the argument. However, this is not the way we as Muslims see the world or ourselves.
We believe it to be respect. Caring. Being considerate of others. which I am sure are great values that every culture in the world appreciates. No one is ever totally free, not even when they are alone in their home, let alone when they are outside interacting with other people. It is inconsiderate to raise the volume of music so loudly, even if one is inside their home, because it would disturb their neighbours. It is not acceptable to leave the front lawn unattended with overgrowing weeds because it disturbs the neighbours and affects the beauty of the whole neighbourhood.
Someone will argue, well, why do women’s clothes (or lack of) disturb others? It is not disturbing others as much as it is arousing them sexually. Someone would argue, why is sexual arousal bad? Women should be free to sexually arouse people if they want to. This logic comes from the background of Christianity, viewing sex as sinful. In Islam, sex is not bad. Sex is not frowned upon. Sex without marriage is prohibited not because sex is a sin. This post will not explain Islam’s view of sex. I intned to do that in a future post. So let’s move on for now. Sex is not bad, and it is not a sin. It simply has a time and a place. When someone is running errands or going to work, they don’t want to be aroused. It’s as simple as that. So when a woman wears revealing clothes, she is forcing hormones and physiology and bodily reactions onto others that they didn’t ask for or want. Thus, she has disturbed them just as someone with very loud speakers is disturbing the quietness of the environment. This is not only for men. Women get aroused when they see sexually provocative clothes worn by men (or women, believe it or not), it just doesn’t disturb them as much because sexual arousal in women is different from that of men. This is physiology. It is not bad or good. It just is.
In a society where women are constantly wearing sexually provocative outfits, men are faced with two options. They are expected to either avert their gaze, which is not always possible or easy. Let alone that the physiological response has already started with that unavoidable split-second first glance. The other option is that men become less sensitive to arousal. This is what is being asked of men so women can wear revealing clothes. Men should learn to suppress their physiological responses. This basically means we are creating men who are less and less arousable, for lack of a better term. This is the modern gentleman. A man who can see a beautiful woman’s upper thighs or curvy buttocks and not get aroused. A man who can speak to a woman, showing her cleavage and focusing on her brain instead. Well, is this really beneficial to anyone? When this man wants to get aroused to have sex with his partner, what is he or she to do? This is not beneficial to anyone. Western culture doesn’t like the Arab man who is easily aroused, but we, women, do. It makes our lives so much easier. And so much more enjoyable. I have no problems initiating sex with my husband. It makes our sexual lives healthy. He always sees me as attractive.
Think of teenage boys going through puberty. Think of single men who don’t have access to a sexual partner. Think of a couple who are going through problems. When these men are bombarded with sexually revealing clothes at every turn, at the grocery store, at the gym, in the park. Are we not being considerate of their needs when we dress modestly?
This is the true essence of Islam. This is how we are raised in the Arab world. Not that women are evil and should be covered. Not that men are evil and should be avoided or feared. Not that the woman’s body is a sin that needs to be hidden. Modesty is a crucial value for both men and women. Many women don’t cover their hair, but they are still expected to dress modestly. Men are expected to dress modestly as well. Men can’t show their upper thighs or walk in the street with their chests exposed. Is it unfair that men and women dress differently? Maybe, but it’s not because of anything except for nature.
Many things in nature can be considered unfair. But we have no choice but to accept them. It is not anyone’s fault that the woman’s body is beautiful. It is not anyone’s fault that men’s bodies are not as beautiful. It is not anyone’s fault that sexual arousal is different on a physiological level for men and women. Is it unfair that women get their periods every month and have to go through pregnancy, while men don’t? Maybe. But it is what it is. We just try to live peacefully and respectfully within society. This is all it is. No oppression is intended when we choose to dress modestly and encourage our children and others to do as well. We believe it makes people happier. It makes life easier. It allows women to be seen and respected for their brains and not their looks.
But that’s a topic for another day.